My Hiding Place

From the outside looking in, today wasn't such a bad day.  It was productive.  I cleaned a bathroom and James' room, played the Wii with Ella, and dressed Mrs. Potato Head with Ella and James.  I don't think I really snapped at my children, and Ella was as good as gold.  Yet, despite checking items off my to-do list and my check-list for being a good mother I felt so dissatisfied most of the day.  I think I was feeling kind of lonely.  I wanted to play and have stimulating conversation.  My mind felt dulled by the endless round of changing James' diaper and fixing him drinks.  (I am not kidding.  That boy drinks ALL day long.  He is constantly whining at me to fix him more "ga-ga," which for some reason means his cup and whatever's in it.  It also just occurred to me that his countless drinking results in the countless sopping wet diapers.)  


Some days it is so satisfying to take care of my home and children, and other days it is so NOT.  I did all the right things on auto-pilot, feeling bad that I wasn't more enthusiastic.  I don't think it showed too much, though.  Ella told me I was "the best mom in the whole world" on two different occasions today, and I enjoyed my time with her but still felt so off all day long.  I guess everyone who has ever been an at-home mom on full-time duty 355 days out of the year understands the dreariness at times and how the sound of a baby crying for the hundredth time that day can make you want to run away in tears.  


KJ's away teaching College Bible Study tonight, so I was putting Ella to bed alone.  Sometimes I have family time with her when KJ's gone and sometimes not.  I was leaning toward NOT having it tonight, but she said, "Let's not forget to have family time," in a very sing-song voice as I was picking up toys in the den, so down we sat.  KJ had bookmarked our spot in the book we're reading last night, so I opened it to find this:

"You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble."

- Psalm 32:7 -

Sometimes when you've had a really rough day, you'd like to find a hiding place.  A place where no one can find you.  A safe place where you can rest.  A shelter from the storm.  Maybe it's in a secret room no one knows about.  Or maybe at the top of a tree in your yard.  Everyone needs a hiding place sometimes...The Lord is your hiding place. With Him you can feel safe from your enemies.  You can feel secure.  He will guard and protect you.  If you are afraid, He calms you.  If you are sad, He lifts you up.  When you feel like you need a safe haven, don't run in panic.  Run to your hiding place, the Lord.

(from "Knowing God" by Stephen Elkins)

I'm glad we had family time tonight.