Those were the words slowly pulling me out of the deepest of sleeps around midnight last night. I was sleeping so soundly that I had to ask James to repeat himself several times before I could understand what was going on around me and get out of bed. I walked him downstairs to his room, used the restroom, and crawled back beneath my own covers, hoping to slip back into the oblivion of sleep quickly. But alas, the story of my life in recent years has been one of struggling to go back to sleep once I spend several minutes awake. I blame it on having children. Last night I didn't manage to get back to sleep until 5:30 a.m.
On the positive side, K.J. had taken Tuesday off work to do something fun with the kids who are on their half-term break from school. On the negative side, I had an eye appointment that I needed to leave the house for at 9:30 in the morning, and the prospect of starting a day out with so little sleep makes me feel so very despairing even with Marilla Cuthbert's voice ringing in my ears, "To despair is to turn your back on God." She's so right.
On sleepless days I fear the loss of self-control that leads to a short temper, overeating, and a general sense of feeling overwrought. Most of the time what actually happens on those days is a sweet sense of God's provision and grace because I am so desperate for Him to provide those things. I'm so aware of my need on the sleepless days that I don't entertain the slightest notion of being able to do anything myself. At the end of days like today K.J. always points out how a day that began with so negative an outlook turned out much better than expected. He also has a habit of saying, "Everything always works out for you, Lynn Pugh." I usually don't like it when he says this because I feel like it makes me sound spoiled, but to paraphrase something I read by Oswald Chambers once, "We're all just spoiled bairns of the Almighty." And that doesn't seem so far off the mark at all.
I added these things to my thankful list tonight:
- KJ planning to drive me to my eye appointment
- being able to sit quietly and read in the waiting room while KJ waited in the car with the kids
- being able to sit in the theater and watch the LEGO Batman Movie
- all of the creative genius that went into making the LEGO Batman Movie!
- remembering family memories watching Batman with my brothers
- coming home to rest
- KJ going out to get fish and chips for dinner so I didn’t have to cook tonight
- encouraging text exchange with Laura
- making up with KJ after some tense words trying to find a parking place before the movie
- energy to follow-through on cleaning the bathroom (I always feel like I need a medal for doing that least of all glamorous jobs.)
- grocery delivery at night
- reading Nancy Drew to Ella before bed
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