Thoughts on the Mystery of Marriage

I find that going to bed early (otherwise known as on time) doesn't always result in the extra sleep I think it will.  Instead, I simply wake up at 5 a.m.  Good morning.  


I got up and went to the bathroom and might have succeeded in stumbling back to bed and more sleep, but the toilet paper roll was empty.  You gotta love that feeling.  I became a bit more alert after fetching a new roll of toilet paper from the closet across the room and decided to check the clock on the microwave before climbing back in bed.  5:00 on the dot.


I thought, "This is way too early," and went back to bed, but of course I lay there and contemplated.  Would I rather wake up now and have quiet time to myself before everyone else gets up, or would I rather fall into a deep sleep and risk waking up late and having to rush around getting Ella out the door?  


Then I started thinking about a conversation I had with KJ that he said he would like to see turned into a blog post, and then I succumbed to the early morning wake-up call.  I have a feeling I will be very tired by the end of the day.  


And the blog post KJ requested?  I think he just wanted me to tell the world how well-rounded I think he is.  :)  On the way to church Sunday morning we listened to one of my favorite songs.    It has been a favorite for over 10 years, and Sunday, KJ understood.  I vividly remember letting him listen to the same song 8 years ago before we were married, and I think he said something like, "Yeah, that was good," but I could tell he didn't get it.  It didn't create the thoughts and feelings that it created in me, and that was fine, but on Sunday when he looked over at me in the car, and said, "That's a good song.  Let's listen to it again."  I exulted. 


And I reflected once again that I didn't know the good I was getting into when I married KJ Pugh.  There was no way to know when he proposed 8 years ago all the ways God would change us as we became one flesh, how we would start "rounding each other out," so to speak, and how the living and loving together for over 7 years would make us so connected.  I lay in bed this early morning and pondered the mystery of it.  The mystery of it...oh, that sounds familiar.  This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the church...


I have often felt overwhelmed when experiencing the intensity of KJ's love for me and thought, "If KJ, a mere man, loves me so sacrificially, what does it mean that Christ loves me like this?  How deep is that love?"  And this morning there were new thoughts and points of comparison.  If marriage connects you so deeply with another person where you really are almost "one," what must this mean for me to be in Christ, a relationship through which I am being changed, not just becoming more well-rounded, but more like Himself.  I suppose "well-rounded" might be a good phrase after all, because isn't Christ perfect in all His attributes?  Perfect in love, perfect in justice, mercy, and wrath?  


So when I laughingly told KJ he seemed more "well-rounded" than in our college days, I think what I was truly trying to express was, he's more like Christ.  In fact, we talked about how we are being changed not just as distinct individuals, but as one. We are changing as we grow together, and it is so good.  There are lots of "growing pains" sometimes, but they're well-worth the oneness they create, "and so it shall be as [He] is recreating [us]."


[Side note]  Our conversation Sunday ended up laughing at phrases like, "Exceeds Expectations," when talking about our marriage.  Ha!  But we agreed that it would be worse to tell the other they were, "Most Improved."