Walking into church last night, I felt my mind and heart suddenly awaken to the wonder of the world around me. It was something caused by getting out of the car and feeling the wind blow and the way the light shone through the clouds. At that moment I forgot about how stressful it was to get everyone fed, dressed, and out the door, my worries of making sure they got home, bathed and in bed in time, and I relaxed. Then a fragment of poetry popped into my head, which I later looked Googled to figure out what it was. Don't you love Google as a research engine? I think it's even replaced Bible concordances for me. I *heart* Google.
Bliss was it that dawn to be alive,
But to be young was very heaven!
Google informed me that was from a poem by William Wordsworth about the French Revolution, which was odd, I thought, because according to Charles Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities, the French Revolution was a really bloody, frightening time to be alive.
The point of all of this, I suppose, is that I was thinking today about the life of the mind and heart and how it directs my actions and interactions with people, how thinking about unseen realities helps so much in dealing with the frustrations of the realities I see. Frustrations like, I feel like I'm never going to be good at staying within my grocery budget. I'll keep trying, but frugality is unsatisfying to me. Being responsible and living within our means is satisfying, but I am not a frugal person by nature, and this month I am way over the budget. But we were out of milk and juice, so I had to go to the store this morning, and I like shopping! I like buying things that my family will enjoy and entertaining and being lavish.
And then there was my son, who cries with frustration at his inability to communicate clearly to me, and hollers with desire whenever we see a balloon in a store, and my stress levels rise, as I am trying to concentrate on my grocery list and saving money. The realities we live with are not always pleasant.
But then, I got in the car, and I was listening to music and thinking about how one day, oh one day, I'll live in a place where I can be as lavish as I want. I serve a God who has no limits, no means to live within. These present frustrations will not always exist.
Now, I know that these frustrations are not to be compared with the struggles and sufferings of others, but those were mine this morning, and they will not always exist. That made me glad, and I turned up the music in the car to drown out James' crying, and felt that perhaps it really was bliss to be alive.
Father Tim quotes that in one of the Mitford books.
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